Another year has passed. I can't believe it. As I sit here, reflecting on the past three years, I can't help but remember the day you were born. It was the day that I became a mother. It was eleven weeks sooner than I thought it would be and it was not at all what I envisioned it would be. When I was pregnant with you, I thought about the day you'd be born a lot. I thought about what I would be doing when the "time" came, who would be in the delivery room, how beautiful you would be. I never envisioned what actually happened. I never envisioned having my baby taken from my body almost three months too soon and then her being whisked away to the neonatal intensive care unit by people I had never even met. I never envisioned that I wouldn't get to hold my newborn daughter until she was three days old- for only a few minutes at a time, while she was attached to wires and machines helping to keep her alive. I never envisioned that when I was wheeled out of the hospital, with my flowers and balloons to go home, that I would be leaving you behind for sixty-four long, torturous days over and over again.
But even though that day was not what I envisioned it to be, it was much, much more. It was more because it was the day I became not only a mother but YOUR mother. I became a stronger version of myself that I never knew I could be. It was a tough journey, one that I wouldn't want to relive. But that journey was more than worth it because I got you. I've told you several times, and I will tell you a million more in the years to come, you are my little hero. You are the strongest person I have ever met. Not many people have heroes that come in the form of a tiny twenty five pound little girl. But I do. You have overcome more things in your three short years than most people have to endure in a lifetime. I watched you fight for your little life, pull on your wires and tubes, and give the nurses a fit daily for sixty four days (and you continue to be stubborn and strong willed today)I know, without a doubt in my mind, that with the strength and strong will you have inside of you, you will move mountains some day. Because, truthfully, you've already moved my mountains. You've changed me in more ways than you will ever realize.
I thank God daily that he heard my many prayers beside your incubator and he let us keep you. He gave me the opportunity to continue to be your mother and I'm forever grateful. I know I'm not perfect and I fail at this motherhood thing on a daily basis. But just know that I would do anything for you. I will always be in your corner, cheering you on. I will always do my best to make sure you know just how special you are and how perfect you are in every way. No matter where life takes you in the years to come, just know that I will always be behind you. I promise to cherish these years because I know they are fleeting. I vow to not allow your childhood to just pass me by. I will cherish every moment.
So today, as I reminisce about that day three years ago, I will fall to my knees with tears in my eyes and a knot in my chest and thank God for sending his angels to care for my tiny, two pound eleven ounce baby girl that Easter Sunday three years ago. I will thank Him for making me your mother. I will thank Him for blessing us with you.
You were my first baby. You made me a mother.
I love you, monkey, to the moon and back. Always and forever.
Love always,
Your Mommy
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